Self medication

I know all about self medicating.  I don't make it a secret that I have a history of depression.  At one point, I spent almost a year on pharmaceuticals in treatment of it.  Having said that, I spent many more years, both before and after self medicating.

Most of my life, my medication of choice was food.  Ice cream, cookies, pastries.  Cake, chocolate bars, muffins...  Sugar, carbohydrates, refined goodness.

Anybody that tells you that eating these foods doesn't make you feel better is full of it.  It does make you feel better, and that is exactly why people do it.  Temporary escape, numbing, bliss...

But, the side effects of this medication can be extreme.  I paid for it with obesity, high blood pressure, health issues.  The side effects had side effects: joint issues, sciatica, bursitis, low self esteem...

Today was one of those days.  A day to make me lose it.  A call from the principal, disappearing winter clothes, 5 year old temper tantrum, 5 year old temper tantrum, 4 year old temper tantrum, 5 year old temper tantrum...  One of those days when I know a pint of hagen daaz would bring pure oblivion.

I almost reacted by giving one of those punishments that punish me too, by not allowing Spud to go to the afternoon lil' chefs class, a time period in which I planned to get my run.  Fortunately I saved myself, restricted tv instead, and gave both children to somebody else for a while.

And I went home and self medicated.

I nailed a good hard run with hill repeats.

Because I am not this girl anymore.

I am this one.

There's a heck of a lot less negative side effects to this type of self medication.