Xena, WARRIOR PRINCESS!

When I was 22 years old, I lost weight for the first time.  I looked good, felt great, and was full of confidence.  When Halloween rolled around, I got my (amazingly talented) mother to make a costume for me.  A Xena costume.  (Now, if you don't know who Xena is, I guess I have just dated myself.  Feel free to google it.  At one time, she was huge, and she still has fan clubs...)

Anyways, when the rapidly lost weight was regained, the costume went into a box.  And stayed in a box for many years.  11 years later, today being Halloween, I thought I would pull it out.  I actually still weigh about 15 pounds more then I did at 22, so I wasn't sure how it would fit.  Now, the fit isn't perfect, but I am much smaller then I once was at the same weight, so believe it or not, it does up!

I present to you, a much older Xena, WARRIOR PRINCESS!!

I think I'm past the age where I can actually wear this in public...

The shorts I orignally wore with it are long gone, as are the accessories.  I'm wearing tri shorts under it instead, so I could theoretically do a triathlon as Xena...

In other news, it is Halloween in Canada.  So, that means that it snows.  Seriously, it's expected.

I remember a childhood of covering up Halloween costumes with warm coats.  My kids will get the same memories...

Losing my spin class virginity

My (second) last post was all about going outside my comfort zone.  This post is too, although in a different way.  (I actually started this earlier this week, then didn't finish it.)

Background

The discipline that I've focused on the least since starting my journey has been the bike.  I didn't need to build up to it as carefully and gradually as I did running.  I didn't need to learn the technique the way I did on the swim.  Every kid learns to pedal a bike, right?  You get on and go.

My first few triathlons even seemed to prove my point.  In terms of placing, I was doing best on the bike.  In Strathmore, I placed 61/250 overall.  It was the bike where I performed the best, relative to the field, at 49.  That would seem to indicate that the bike was my strength.

Of course, the aspect that I wasn't considering was the bike itself.  Sprint triathlons have a lot of newbies.  While I was a triathlon newbie myself this year, my bike is not a typical newbie bike.  Bella easily outclassed all of the hybrid, mountain, and cruiser bikes on the course, giving me free time in comparison.

When it came to my Olympic triathlon, the bikes were pretty much all road and tri bikes, which equalized the equipment factor.  My bike split placed me in about the same position as my overall time.  This isn't a bad thing, but it indicates that my bike needs just as much work as the other disciplines.  If anything, more, since the bike leg is the longest in triathlons (meaning it's the biggest bang for your buck when it comes to cutting down time).

Plus, I'll admit that I'm still not nearly as confident on the bike as I wish I could be.  I'm slow clipping in.  I'm scared going down hills.  I'm nervous in traffic.  I'm often unsure about my gearing.  I've never successfully rode standing up.  I can only grab my water bottle when I'm coasting, and not pedalling.

At first glance, this looks like I'm getting down on myself and dwelling on what I can't do.  That's not the case at all.  These are simply things that I am aware of, and have been working on.  Almost every one of them, I feel stronger in then I did last spring, when I started riding outside.  Having said that, I also recognize them as things that I need to continue working on.  When it comes to working on the bike, getting stronger and more confident can do a lot.

But, it's getting colder outside.  The trainer tire is already on Bella, and, as much as I hate to say it, snow is coming soon...

Considering spin class

Enter spin class.  (Just so we're on the same page, I'm referring to the kind of spin class aimed at triathletes where you bring your own bike and trainer, as opposed to at a gym on spin bikes.)

Going to a spin class is something I've really hesitated to do for a few reasons.  One is practicality.  It isn't that convenient for me.  I am able to run and bike from my house, and the pool is 5 minutes away.  Spin class is a drive into the city, so it's a good 35 - 40 minutes each way.  I prefer to use my time training rather then travelling whenever possible.

Another reason is cost.  It's a bit hard to pay to ride my bike on the trainer when I can do it at home for free.  Triathlon is far from cheap, but I've done what I can to keep costs reasonable.

The last reason is the one that held me back the most.  It's also a recurring theme in my life and my triathlon journey.  I found attending a spin class utterly intimidating.  I know how hard Angie can work us in the pool, and that's considering there's technique work in there that is done at a slower pace - meaning pool work is a mix of mental and physical work.  On the bike, it's much easier to work harder without sacrificing form.  Would I even be able to keep up?  What if I couldn't finish?  What if I puked?  Died?  I knew this would be a class full of triathletes.  Ironmen.

Hang on.  I am a triathlete.  And, one day, I'll be an Ironman.  Really, I felt about the same intimidation going to this spin class as I did joining the coached swim program.

Besides, what if some bike coaching can do for my bike what swim coaching did for my swim?  Since my own coach isn't in the budget yet, I may as well take advantage of any group coaching I can get.  The class I was going to attend is coached by Angie, who is the same phenomenal coach who helped me improve my swim.  While I may still find her intimidating, it's a comfortable intimidation.  In the past, she's pushed me beyond what I thought I could do, but not beyond my actual limits.

So, I sent her an email to ask some questions and indicate I would attend that week.  While I actually did have a couple questions, this email also served as a commitment in a way.  Once I tell people I'm going to do something, I have enough pride that I'm unlikely to back out.

So, when Tuesday evening rolled around, I packed my bike and trainer in the car and headed to spin class. I quickly found parking and headed in.

Doing Spin Class

I felt totally out of my element upon entering.  There were a bunch of people who looked like they knew what they were doing setting up bikes on trainers.  My solution to being out of my element is to act like I know what I'm doing.  It may not fool anyone, but at least I can pretend I'm comfortable.

I thought there'd be a lot of overlap between the swim program and this one, but at first, I didn't see anyone.  Then I spotted Leana, who I'd met at a race a few weeks earlier.  I took advantage of a familiar face and asked her how it worked and where I should set up.  Once other people started arriving, I saw a couple other people I knew and said hi.

Before long, Angie got there and class was starting.  She let us know that we'd be doing a lot of high cadence spinning in this workout.  She introduced a few of us that were there for the first time and announced some race accomplishments that others have had.  It was a great community kind of feeling.  Then the work started.

There were the single leg drills.  I read enough to know about single leg drills, but hadn't tried them up till now.  I started off clunking through the pedal stroke, but managed to get better efficiency.  It's still something I need to work on, but I could feel the difference.

Now, I know that spinning isn't supposed to be that hard, but truthfully, before I got my bike fit, I had trouble holding 75 rpm.  After the bike fit, I've tended to hold about 85.  Angie had us do sets where we built our rpm.  Basically 1 minute at 95, 1 minute at 100 and 1 minute at 105.  Then it was 2 minutes at each.  Then 3.  (Most other people in the class were working at higher rpms, but I thought that was a good level for me at this point, and still challenging.)

It didn't feel too hard at 1 minute, but by the time we were doing the three minute intervals, it took some serious focus to get through.  During one of the final intervals, Angie called out the phrase: "You can do it!"  

If I believe I can, I can.  One of my mantras right now.

Now, if there was one thing, in relation to bike riding that I would have used the forbidden "I can't" phrase, it would be in reference to standing up while riding.  When I was a kid, and everybody else stood up while riding, I never did.  Truthfully, I don't know if I really tried, if I was afraid of doing it, or just got frustrated.  I wasn't the most athletic kid.  Since starting to ride again as an adult, I have tried a handful of times.  As soon as I start pedaling, I've always felt like I'm about to fall over.  Even on the trainer.  I seriously felt so off balance, I thought I could overbalance the whole set up.

So, of course, there was some standing up to pedal during the class.

In the right situation, pride can be a great thing.  Surrounded by other people doing it and seeing it as no big deal, there was no way I wasn't at least going to try.  And, I did do it.  I sure didn't feel smooth or efficient while doing it, but I also didn't feel like I was overbalancing my bike and trainer.

Thankfully, standing up isn't a main focus in most tri spin classes, the way (I've heard) it is in gym spin classes.  There were two points where Angie had us doing it.  One was while pushing a hard gear at a lower rpm and one was while going as hard as we could for 15 second intervals.  I will admit that I didn't do it while going as hard as I could.  That was already a challenge, and I truthfully think I need some more practice first.  The point is, I did one of those "I can't" skills.

Then we finished off with some core work.  Um, have I admitted that I do incredibly little core work?  I always have good intentions of starting up, but then don't get off the ground.


Reflections


This was one of the hardest and most intense workouts I've done.  Lately, I've been recognizing that, as much as I'm consistent with my workouts, I don't bring the intensity in often enough.  I've often considered riding on the trainer to be pure boredom, but during the spin class, boredom was the last thing in my mind.  Between the music, the coach, and being surrounded by everyone, it's incredibly motivating to work as hard as I can.

There were a couple points where I was working so hard, I thought I might puke.  Perhaps there is a bit of a masochist in me, but I love that kind of workout.  I rarely push myself to that point outside of races, but I feel phenomenal afterwards so I need to do it more often.

It is worth the travel time and the cost to do the spin classes.  As for the intimidation factor, it's definitely worth getting past that.  Quite frankly, when you are afraid to do something, it probably means you care enough that you really want to and should confront that fear.  If you just weren't interested, you wouldn't care enough to have fear about doing it.

If only there was a way to bottle that feeling

Today, I ran 24 km (15 mi).  I'm not going to say it was an easy run.  The first 12-14km was pretty easy going, the next few were still strong, and I had to fight for the last 5 or so.  Truthfully, I really wanted to stop at about 20km, but I wanted the knowledge that I could do it.  I kept going, managed to negative split overall and my final kilometer was the fastest yet.

This wasn't my best long run of this cycle.  A 22km run about a month ago gets that honour.  That run was one where I felt invincible.

Now that I'm only two weeks out from my race, the game changes somewhat from being a physical game to a mental one.  There isn't much more I can do to improve my fitness.  I have to trust that I've already done that.  Now, I need to ensure I don't lose any and try to enter my race in a rested, but ready state.

Part of the mental challenge for me is the fact that I don't get to do any more runs that exceed the distance of the race.  Those runs have been a huge confidence builder for me.  I know that, eventually, I won't be able to train over the distance in running, but at the half marathon level, it's still possible.

Mentally, it would be great to do one of these long runs a couple days before the race.  Mentally, having that reminder of my ability so close to the race would do wonders for my confidence.

Physically, it would be stupidity to actually do it.  The cost of the mental boost would be to enter the race in an exhausted state, so it's just not going to happen.

I can't bottle that feeling.  But, I can hang onto the memory and knowledge of it.

Climbing, flying, and letting go

As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend, I went away to camp.  It was a fabulous weekend, organized by the babysitting co-op that I'm a part of, but open to other women in town, so it was a great group.  We talked together, laughed together, played games, climbed structures and flew through the air...

The great group of ladies that I got to hang out with all weekend!

The climbing and flying came about from doing a high ropes course and a giant swing.  Let me just say that, if you've never done activities like this, you should.  They are awesome.  Part physical, part mental.  Sometimes, it seems like it should be easy, but it's not.  Sometimes, the physical part is easy, but you have to convince your brain to actually let you do it.  Getting past the mental barriers is often the most difficult part.

First, we did the high ropes course.  The first element involved climbing up a series of cross shaped "steps" in teams of four. The first couple levels weren't too hard.  We had to make sure all of our team made it up before progressing to the next level.  Then the levels got further apart, and it got harder.  We started giving each other legs up and then the last person had the hardest job, since there was nobody left to give them a leg up.  At a couple of the levels, I was the last person.  On the previous level, I'd hoisted myself up with my arms, but this time it was further apart.  I tried to get my leg up, and that didn't work either.

About halfway up

The words "I don't think I can do this," came out of my mouth.  In that moment, it was like I sealed the deal.  My mantra lately has been "if I believe I can, I can."  Rhonda (one of my teammates) came down, and gave me a leg up.  Then, rather then try to hoist herself up, like I had, she kind of swung herself up.  I wonder, perhaps it could have been different if I had said "how can I do this?" rather then "I can't."  Having said that, I'm also not about dwelling on past mistakes.  I've looked at the situation and next time, I'll choose a different thing to say then, "I can't".  Time to move on.

We continued climbing until we got to the top.  Once we figured out how to do it, we just kept going.  The platforms got smaller the further we went up, but it just meant we had to get a bit cozy as we went up.  I may have bruises all over my legs, but I got to the top!

The next high ropes element was to climb up a pole to a small platform.  This one was physically easier, but once you got to the top, it was a matter of balancing up there and trusting everyone.  You had to trust the people you were at the top with and you had to trust your belay team.  Truthfully, I thought the likelihood of falling was pretty good up there, but you had to believe that even if you fell, you'd be okay.

The next big activity was the giant swing.  This challenge is almost entirely mental.  It isn't that "hard" to get strapped into a harness and hoisted 75 feet into the air.  

It isn't that "hard" to release yourself so that you start to swing. 

 But, man, it is hard to just let it happen.  

This was my second time doing the giant swing.  (I'd done it the at the previous year's retreat).  I am not particularly afraid of heights.  I am a bit of a thrill seeker.  I also am pretty good at acting like I'm not afraid of things, even when I am.  (Long ago, I discovered that acting like you can handle something is the first step to convincing yourself you can.)  

Even so, this was a challenge.  I also added an extra challenge for myself.  The challenge to let go, and not hold onto the rope I was swinging from.  Remarkably, this was even harder to do then releasing the rope in the first place.  Yet, it was exhilarating.

Flying through the air.  Nothing to hold onto.  Just letting it happen.

Now, I consider how I can apply it to my life.  I am afraid of a lot of things.  My biggest fear is always the fear of failure.  I'm afraid that if I give something my all, and it's not enough, that I will never succeed.  

Interestingly enough, recognizing this fear was the very thing that prompted me to dip my toe into the world of triathlon.  I made a decision for once to give something my all, to try something that I didn't know whether I would succeed at.

It's been a year and a half since the day I made that decision.  I succeeded in my original quest.  My first goal of completing a triathlon (any triathlon) was something I was capable of long before I had the chance to do it.  Now, I'm faced with reality that I need to risk more, tri more.  See how much I'm capable of.

Let go.  And Fly.

Back from a great weekend!

This weekend was a getaway weekend for me.  A bunch of ladies from my town went out to a camp, recharged, connected and did some great activities, some of them out of our comfort zones.

I'm trying to get back into a normal routine today, and I'm not taking the time for a long post, but I leave you with two pictures.  The first is an inspirational quote (that I loved) posted near our activities.  The second was me doing one of the activities - the giant swing.

Have you taken any risks lately?

Being smart - addressing possible injury

So, this weekend, I am going away.  It's the second annual ladies getaway.  Last year, I had an amazing time.  We stayed up late, played board games, then we did a high ropes course and a giant swing.  Really fun!

What it doesn't leave is a lot of room for training.  So, I made arrangements to have my kids watched today so I could do my long run on the Friday instead of on the weekend like I usually do.

Yesterday, after my run, my legs weren't feeling completely happy.  I wasn't convinced it was "bad pain" though.  This morning, I've got something that just doesn't feel right.

Enter Dr. Google.  Between Dr. Google and I, we've determined a possible IT band issue.  Crap.

There's two considerations here.  First consideration: if I don't run today, I may not get to do this long run.  Second consideration: if I do run today, I may screw myself up worse and end up unable to do my half marathon.

Crap.

So, here's my plan.  Drop my kids off like planned.  Call and see if I can get in to my chiropractor, who does ART (ART is often recommended for IT band issues).  Go there dressed in my running clothes and hope he'll tell me I can run.

See, smart, but hopeful.  That's an okay plan, right?

Weight loss Wednesday, buying laziness and being recognized

The numbers

So, this week's weight wasn't a huge change: 194.2, which means I was down 0.6, which is the same that I was up last week.  It also means I'm at a total weight loss of 49.6 pounds.  Seriously, could I just hit that 50 lost mark?

I'm okay with that.  I've just set some major goals for myself this week and I know losing more weight is going to make a huge difference in getting there.  That is a huge motivation and helps keep me focused.

I've been losing weight for over a year and a half now.  I've lost in some weeks, maintained in more, and gained in almost none.  I'm at the point of accepting that the weight loss part of this is going to be a long journey.  I plan to get to a healthy weight in the next few months, but I think the process of finding my optimal weight is still going to be a long road - possibly years.  These last few pounds have made a significant and noticeable difference in my running ability.  I want to find out just how far I can go, and I'm not going to let the extra pounds hold me back.

Buying laziness

On a side note, I went to Costco today.  I don't do a lot of convenience food anymore.  I prefer my food as unprocessed as possible.  Generally speaking, that means more work in preparation.  Work that is generally worth it.  Having said that, today, I bought what I refer to as a few packages of laziness.  :)

Mini carrots, Cubed butternut squash and a fruit tray to bring to a ladies retreat this weekend

Sure, it costs more to buy your vegetables this way, but it's a heck of a lot better then buying a bag of cookies or a package of pastries.  And, can I say, I love butternut squash.  Sometimes, I roast them whole and scoop them out, but I really like in pieces.  So much work to peel and dice them though!  So cool that I can buy them like this!

Being recognized

Onto another thing.  I've been feeling a bit down about my blog lately.  The comments have plummeted and I was starting to wonder if anybody actually read it anymore.  Then, today, I had my first "celebrity moment"!

I know some of the bigger bloggers get recognized regularly.  It's never happened to me though.  Plenty of friends and family read my blog, and there's some other bloggers whose blogs I read and they tend to read mine.

Then, while standing in line, the lady in front of me looked back and said "I know you.  Don't you have a blog?"  So COOL!  We do have a mutual friend, and live in the same town, so she's not a complete stranger, but it's still neat to know that someone other then my mother reads my writing.  ;)

Sarah, if you are reading, it was so nice to meet you today, and your kind words about my blog lifted my spirit in ways you don't even know.  Thank you!