Letter to the lifeguard

Dear lifeguard,

I appreciate you watching out for me. I do.

I realize that you don't have that interesting a job, so you probably scan the pool to figure out who is the most likely to need rescuing. I understand why you put me in that category.

But, do you really have to walk next to me at the same pace that I backstroke across the pool? I mean, when I'm on my back, I can see you. I can see you pacing me. I can see you watching me.

Don't worry, if I decide to drown, I'll do it with lots of gasping and splashing. You'll have plenty of time to make your way to me. Or better yet, I'll just float on my back and yell for help. Then you'll know that you have to come rescue me.

Thank you for keeping the pool a safe place. And thank you for being there. Despite my flippant attitude, I really do feel more secure with your presence. Perhaps you could just watch from a little farther away?

Thank you,

signed,

Novice Swimmer