Thursday, June 13, 2013

I miss running

I have a lot of things to blog about: A very overdue race report for Vulcan (which was awesome, by the way),  a celebration about my aircast being off, some thoughts on a run program at my son's school, preparation for an upcoming race.  But, none of those things are what I feel like talking about today, and since it's my blog, I get to talk about what I want.

I miss running.

Even though my blog has been quiet, I've been happily going through the steps of normal life.  I've settled into a routine.  I've put in lots of hours at the pool, both swimming and water running.  I'm loving the outdoor rides, after being cooped up on the trainer at the start of this injury.

If you happen to know me in real life, I can joke about this injury with a smile and a laugh.  Cheerful self deprecation at my bone headedness in running through it without cluing into the fact it was a stress fracture.  I'll tell you that I'm thrilled just to be able to walk normally again right now.  And I am.

But, I miss running.

It's a desperate yearning I have.  I live across the street from a pathway access and I see runners go by all the time.  I no longer feel the jealous vindictiveness I did at first, but I want them to take me with them.  I want to return to my riverside pathways.  I want to run easy.  I want to run hard.  Heck, I'd happily take a hill run, a treadmill run, or even a track run.

I want to feel the wind in my hair, the runners high.  I want the brutally hard run that I have to force myself to finish, because I want to relive the feeling I get after finishing one of those runs.  I want to run fast.  I want to run with a friend, chatting away.

I just want to run.

Right now, I know I'm almost there.  Yet, somehow that makes me feel more desperate.  My foot isn't quite healed enough.  I know it.  And, as desperately as I want to run, I also desperately want to be able to keep running once I restart.

The truth is, this is good.  I'm no life long athlete.  I don't have decades of running in my history.  I have three years.  And, a month and a half is a long time in those three years.  I've always been afraid that if I stopped running, I would never start again, because I would stop wanting it.  That has not happened.

Because, when I can run again, I will.

Because, I miss running.


  1. I've been deathly afraid of getting injured for the very reason you state here. I'm afraid if I stop - I won't ever want to start again. I'm struggling to get out there a lot lately and I think any excuse would put me over the edge. I'm glad you are healing up and hope you can ease back into running soon. My long run partner has the same thing - something she ignored for far too long - a stress fracture. Hope she is back at it soon too.

  2. I miss running too. What *I* call running anyways. Some days it's good. It hasn't been for a while, so I'm giving it a rest. It's hard to know when to get back at it. Technically I could run now, if I wanted to, but the last thing I want to do is put myself back again.

    You didn't say it, but you haven't lost all your fitness, and what you have lost will come back quick. We'll go for a run together soon!

  3. Good news you are healing up. Great news you have the drive and desire to start running again! Hope you get cleared to run soon.

  4. Running misses you too Deb... so run you will as soon as you can.